You may have noticed that our posts seemed to have dropped of the face of the Earth. Maybe that comes with the territory of the boys getting older, our family becoming more busy, or maybe not wanting to share everything with everyone? Maybe it's a mixture of all of that. One things is for sure though....I think it's time to share a little of what we struggle with on a daily basis.
In our house we struggle with behavioral issues. Daily. Several times a day. Some of you may know a little about this and I know to some of you this might be news. This has been going on for some time now and we've explored many areas for help. Our sweet boy Charlie has seen doctors, specialists, physical therapists and most recently has started services with the school district and now looking into services with our local County services. Through all of this we've had a myriad of responses from others-our family, friends, and even strangers. We've had people say that it can't be true because they haven't seen it for themselves, that it's a phase and he'll grow out of it, or my favorite- he needs more discipline. While I know everyone has their thoughts, their opinions, I also know that none of that is helpful to us.
We recently found out that Charlie is diagnosed with Disruptive Behavior Disorder and Childhood Insomnia. So please know that this is real. That this might not be a phase that he'll grow out of but instead need to learn how to deal with and cope with what he goes through on a daily basis. And please know this is not because of parenting styles or lack of discipline. For whatever reason this is real and it's something I want people to be aware of. And I can tell you what is helpful to us.
Support and understanding is helpful to us. Instead of telling us this is just a phase and we'll get through it- try asking how we are doing, how Charlie is doing. It's not easy for Tyler or I to watch our son do the things he does each day, several times a day during his meltdowns. It breaks our heart that he is hurtful to himself and has difficulty telling us what he's going through or feeling. In fact, I think we get burned out easier than most parents because of constantly focusing all our energy on destructive behavior and trying to figure out how to help him. Don't make us feel like we're doing things wrong with him or more importantly....be kind, don't judge. Offer to help instead of standing back giving us weird looks or getting upset because you don't agree with how we handle certain situations. Understand that you don't deal with this on a daily basis like we do and because of that you'll never fully understand how we are feeling or how frustrating and draining it can be. And because of all this please know Tyler and I may need a few extra breaks than the average parent. Yes, I totally agree that being a parent can be exhausting for anyone. But throw in a child who has special needs and attention....it's draining- physically, mentally and emotionally.
If you do come to our house please don't ask why it's a mess or why the dishes haven't been done. Understand that when we do have a moment of peace or that rare moment when all the boys are asleep that we want to just enjoy fun time with them or maybe just sit on the couch and do nothing for a few minutes without intervening in a meltdown. We need to relax too.
Listening can be helpful. I don't mean listen to a few things we have to say and then throw ideas out on how to fix things- there's a difference between hearing and listening. I mean truly listening to what we have to say and just being there for us. Sometimes Tyler and I just need to vent and to get our frustrations off our chest. And just knowing that our family is going to do things a little differently than your family and being ok with that.
I'm not writing this for people to take pity. We don't want pity. I want people to be aware so they know what we are going through and what can be more helpful than a generic passing statement or rude judgements. Know that Charlie is loved immensely along with his brothers. I believe God gave us our boys to teach us how to love differently and to see the world differently through someone else's eyes.
