To The Fellow Mom at Church

To the fellow mom at church and my good friend who reached out....I THANK YOU. 

You have no idea how much your kind words meant to me that night.  

Here's the story....Last week we were picking up the boys from AWANA at our church.  The boys are usually pretty energized after coming from there and can often be a handful.  As we were walking out of church one of the AWANA instructors in the boys' classroom was also walking out.  Charlie grabbed her hand and held it briefly as we walked.  I had not met this woman yet and did not know her name but knew she was familiar with the boys.  She proceeded to tell me how amazing Easton is and how sweet Christian and Charlie are.  She said she absolutely loves to be with them in class and adores them completely.  With the boys almost darting out into the dark parking lot, I thanked her saying how nice it is to hear that and then proceeded to catch up with the boys to get them in the car.  What that woman didn't know was how much those kind, sincere words meant to me and that they brought me to tears on the way home.  Happy tears.  You see, most of the time when we are out and about with the boys we get a lot of turned heads, stares and especially with Charlie's meltdowns: rude comments.  So you really have no idea how much your kindness meant to me that evening.  To know that my boys are loved by others, even complete strangers, while we are away is heartwarming.  I thank you from the bottom of my heart.  

And if that night couldn't get any better, I got a phone call later that same evening from a good friend of mine who also volunteers in the boys' class at AWANA.  She said she wanted to call as a friend and fellow mom to let me know that the boys did have some trouble in class that night.  She is aware that, unfortunately, there isn't much communication between instructors and parents in the program and she knew likely no one said anything to us as we left with the boys that night.  She informed me that it wasn't anything bad, but that they were a little rambunctious and had a difficult time focusing and following instructions.  My friend knew I'd want to know about this so we could talk to the boys about it before next AWANA.  And to you, dear friend....you know who you are, I also say thank you.  You know what it's like to be in my shoes, in more ways than one, and know that I'd want a head's up if something is happening with the boys.  I'm so incredibly happy to have you in my life, and as my friend and thank you kindly for loving my boys.  

Easton (4), Christian & Charlie (3)

No Judgements Please

You may have noticed that our posts seemed to have dropped of the face of the Earth.  Maybe that comes with the territory of the boys getting older, our family becoming more busy, or maybe not wanting to share everything with everyone?  Maybe it's a mixture of all of that.  One things is for sure though....I think it's time to share a little of what we struggle with on a daily basis.

In our house we struggle with behavioral issues.  Daily.  Several times a day.  Some of you may know a little about this and I know to some of you this might be news.  This has been going on for some time now and we've explored many areas for help.  Our sweet boy Charlie has seen doctors, specialists, physical therapists and most recently has started services with the school district and now looking into services with our local County services.  Through all of this we've had a myriad of responses from others-our family, friends, and even strangers.  We've had people say that it can't be true because they haven't seen it for themselves, that it's a phase and he'll grow out of it, or my favorite- he needs more discipline.  While I know everyone has their thoughts, their opinions, I also know that none of that is helpful to us.

We recently found out that Charlie is diagnosed with Disruptive Behavior Disorder and Childhood Insomnia.  So please know that this is real.  That this might not be a phase that he'll grow out of but instead need to learn how to deal with and cope with what he goes through on a daily basis.  And please know this is not because of parenting styles or lack of discipline.  For whatever reason this is real and it's something I want people to be aware of.  And I can tell you what is helpful to us.

Support and understanding is helpful to us.  Instead of telling us this is just a phase and we'll get through it- try asking how we are doing, how Charlie is doing.  It's not easy for Tyler or I to watch our son do the things he does each day, several times a day during his meltdowns.  It breaks our heart that he is hurtful to himself and has difficulty telling us what he's going through or feeling.  In fact, I think we get burned out easier than most parents because of constantly focusing all our energy on destructive behavior and trying to figure out how to help him.  Don't make us feel like we're doing things wrong with him or more importantly....be kind, don't judge. Offer to help instead of standing back giving us weird looks or getting upset because you don't agree with how we handle certain situations.  Understand that you don't deal with this on a daily basis like we do and because of that you'll never fully understand how we are feeling or how frustrating and draining it can be.  And because of all this please know Tyler and I may need a few extra breaks than the average parent.  Yes, I totally agree that being a parent can be exhausting for anyone.  But throw in a child who has special needs and attention....it's draining- physically, mentally and emotionally.

If you do come to our house please don't ask why it's a mess or why the dishes haven't been done.  Understand that when we do have a moment of peace or that rare moment when all the boys are asleep that we want to just enjoy fun time with them or maybe just sit on the couch and do nothing for a few minutes without intervening in a meltdown. We need to relax too.

Listening can be helpful.  I don't mean listen to a few things we have to say and then throw ideas out on how to fix things- there's a difference between hearing and listening.  I mean truly listening to what we have to say and just being there for us.  Sometimes Tyler and I just need to vent and to get our frustrations off our chest.  And just knowing that our family is going to do things a little differently than your family and being ok with that.


I'm not writing this for people to take pity.  We don't want pity.  I want people to be aware so they know what we are going through and what can be more helpful than a generic passing statement or rude judgements.  Know that Charlie is loved immensely along with his brothers.  I believe God gave us our boys to teach us how to love differently and to see the world differently through someone else's eyes.

Do I Remember?

I know, I know....It's been awhile.  Since before Christmas to be exact.  But life has been happening at our house.  I've had several post ideas come up and then the time to sit down and write them passes.  But last week something came up that I just can't shake and I thought maybe writing about it might help.

Last Thursday Charlie was at Mayo Clinic for an EEG.  Wait...back up the train!  I suppose you need a little back story?  Why on Earth was Charlie having an EEG??  Mid January Charlie started Special Ed Pre-school.  He goes 4 days a week, 2 hours a day (by the way, he absolutely LOVES school).  Since starting school his teachers had been noticing he'd have starring spells every day.  Knowing this could be a sign of Absence Seizures they contacted us and requested we get this checked out.  Charlie's Pediatric Neurologist agreed it would be a good idea to rule out anything serious.  Enter the EEG.

During the EEG the tech performing the procedure was asking a bunch of questions about Charlie's background.  One of the first questions was "was he full term?"  I responded "no, he was a preemie" and maybe should have offered right away at what gestation he was born.  Because next she asked "do you remember how many weeks you were when you delivered?"

Do I remember? Do I remember?!?  And the only thought that was going through my head was "honey, if only you knew what I remember of those days!"  But instead I kindly replied "yes, 27 weeks and 0 days."  Now I know the tech meant no harm, no disrespect.  But her question really resonated with me and along with that came back so many memories, so many emotions flooding back it was overwhelming.  The rest of the day was a tough one battling with these strong emotions that I hadn't dealt with in awhile.

Do I remember the day, a Saturday, when I went in to be checked because something just didn't feel right and then being admitted to hospital bedrest?  Yes.  Do I remember February 15th, 2012 when my sister came to visit me and my contractions started to become regular?  Yes.  Do I remember how scared I was when the doctor said I'd be having these boys within the hour?  For sure.  Do I remember the epidural, the c-section, everything the doctors and nurses were talking about, asking me, Tyler by my side, holding my hand as my steadfast support?  Yes.

Do I remember each boy crying as they were born? Absolutely yes!  Do I remember not being able to see them (except by camera) until hours after birth and then not holding them until days after birth? You bet.  Do I remember the doctors asking if I'd be willing to be transferred to St. Mary's for recovery since  Methodist was so crazy busy that night? Yes.  Do I remember the painful ambulance ride down the road to St. Mary's? Yep.  And do I remember being able to go straight to the NICU so I could see the boys settled in-even after all of that and at 2am? Certainly.  And I remember the next 87 days in the NICU and the emotional roller coaster I was on the entire time.  I remember.

The boys just celebrated their 3rd birthday.  3!  You would think that after 3 years things would be fine.  Better.  And they are. They're great actually!  But I guess I need to remind myself that these emotions can creep up at any time.  No matter how long it's been.

They're truly beautiful aren't they?!

Christmas Preparations, Part 1

Well it's that time of year again.  The time of year where our time is filled with preparations for the Christmas holiday.  So many things to do and it always seems like such little time to finish it all.  This year is no different than any other.  We have the house to decorate, shopping, putting the tree up and decorating that, holiday parties, shopping, Santa visits, Christmas baking, shopping, cookie decorating, Secret Santa at work, holiday volunteering.  And did I mention shopping?

The shopping part of the season never seemed all that bad, but add a few kids in there and it gets a little more difficult, especially when a good portion of the shopping is for them.  It wasn't a big deal when they were babies.  You could take them shopping with you and they were never the wiser to what was going on.  But tack on a few years and suddenly they know EVERYTHING that is going on.  Now I know some of you don't agree with Black Friday shopping or even understand why people shop on Black Friday.  Well the last couple years I've been one of those people who are out at 3am on Black Friday.  Yes, the deals are great and I usually go with a very good friend of mine.  So spending time with her is also an added bonus.  But I didn't realize until this year how important Black Friday shopping is to our family.  I did NOT go Black Friday shopping this year.  It just didn't seem important.  Until now.  We still have not gotten any of our shopping done and there are only 11 days until Christmas.  And if you know me, you know that I'm freaking out just a little because I hate leaving things until last minute.  So my anxiety is just slightly elevated right now knowing I don't have my shopping done.  So there is the reason I go Black Friday shopping....because I can get all my shopping done in the wee hours of the night when all my children are sleeping and the only time of year when stores are open that late/early.
Ok, but still keeping in perspective what is really important this time of year.  And here are a few of those things.....


Giving.
And teaching our boys the importance of helping those in need.  This year we participated with our church to do Operation Christmas Child.  We packed up 3 boxes, each boy of ours chose if they wanted to pack their box for a boy or a girl.  Of course, they all chose a boy.  We let the boys come shopping with us to pick out the items they wanted to pack in their boxes to be sent to a child in another country who does not have the resources to get gifts for Christmas or even their basic needs met.

Some of those items included bath towels, washcloths, soap, toothbrush, crayons, coloring books, cups, play doh, and a stuffed animal.   

The boys had fun helping to pack the boxes

And very proud of their work ;)

Then it was time to drop the boxes off at the church so they could be shipped over seas.  This is what the drop off area looked like a few days before they were shipped.  930 boxes shipped, just from our church alone!  Unbelievable!!  

We also participate in Adopt-A-Family each year and have done so for numerous years now.  This is a program in our county where people can volunteer to buy gifts for individuals or families who are less fortunate or who have disabilities and may not have family to be with during the holiday season.  Being a social worker in Olmsted County I get to see first hand the impact these gifts have on people they are gifted to.  Most people who sign up to receive gifts make a wish list of items that you and I take for granted.  For example, it's not uncommon to have a wish list that looks like this:

bath towels

sheets

socks

soap

clothes

coat

mittens.....

You get the idea.  It's such a fun program to be a part of and knowing you are making a difference in someone's life.  We always wrap up some fun stuff to go along with the necessities too.  This year we were able to help 2 individuals get the Christmas they wanted. 

Spending time with those you love.

We have so much family to spend time with need to space out our Christmas'.  We have one Christmas this weeked, Christmas in Harmony on Christmas Eve, Christmas in Byron Christmas day, Christmas the Saturday after Christmas and still one Christmas to schedule.  Uffda, that's a lot of Christmas celebrations!

Decorating for Christmas.

But seriously, spending time with those you love definitely goes along well with decorating our house for Christmas.  We certainly didn't go all out like we normally do.  Let's be honest....most of what we put up with be taken down within seconds by 3 rambunctious hooligans that we endearingly call our beloved sons.  So here ya have it.  

Decorating the tree

I guess we can tell which branch is Charlie's!!

A full mantle :)

Family Pictures

We were able to sneek in a little photo shoot a few weeks ago while hanging out at Oxbow Park.  I feel for the photographer who took on the challenge of capturing our 3 hooligans.  They never sit still and they refuse to look at the camera.  But......here's what we ended up with :)

Best buds

Hmmm.....

Mama's boy

The only smile we got from him all morning!

Such a beautiful day for pictures and time to be with our little family!  Love how the pictures turned out.  

Halloween 2014

The boys were so excited for this Halloween.  Earlier in the week we carved pumpkins.  They chose the faces for their pumpkins with a few choices for eyes, nose and mouth.  And of course mom and dad did the carving.  They weren't too thrilled with the pumpkin guts though!

Dad helping Easton

Mom & Charlie cleaning out the guts

So proud of his pumpkin

Our serious Christian with his masterpiece

Showing costumes to Gma & Grandpa!

Don't smile Christian!

Buzz Lightyear and his pumpkin

So excited they wanted to go trick or treating the same night!

They only had to wait a night or two to go and thankfully it was on a Friday night this year.

We went up and down our street before a few of their cousins joined us to trick or treat around the block.  The boys got to stay up a little later and had tons of fun with their cousins!

Like I said...Another MN Halloween includes winter hats and coats!!

Luckily Mom made their costumes big enough to fit over their coats!!

We hope you all had a safe and happy Halloween!!

A Week in Review

Since I haven't written in awhile I thought I'd save up a whole week's worth of activities to share all at once.  Overwhelming? Maybe.  But then, maybe not.  Perhaps it will be a picture overload though!

September 6th
We were invited by one of my co-workers and good friend to stop out at their small hobby farm to visit all the animals and pick apples.  They have several apple trees and have an abundance of apples this year.  We love to make homemade applesauce and bake with the apples so we though, why not!?

We had so much fun.  The boys loved seeing all the animals; donkeys, miniature horse, ducks, chickens, kitties, etc).

Christian with the donkeys, Elsa and Ann

Charlie with Olaf, the miniature horse

It was a beautiful, sunny, fall morning!!

Charlie directing Easton on which apples to pick

And of course we had to sample some of the apples along the way!

And sample more....

And sample yet some more!

It was funny to watch the boys pick apples.  They were so excited when they would find one.  And then about every 3rd apple they found they had to stop and eat it :)

All the boys LOVED to pick apples!

I think we were successful!!

Thank you Kolhoffs for inviting us out to your home!  We all had so much fun!

September 8th

Charlie has OT (occupational therapy) each monday afternoon.  This week we had some errands to run in Rochester before OT.  It was a busy day and Christian and Charlie both decided to take a small snooze while driving around.  Since Easton was wide awake and we still had awhile before OT started, we stopped at a small park so Easton could get out and run around. 

And it wasn't long before the boys woke up to realize they were missing out on some real fun 

Charlie couldn't decide if he wanted his shoes on or off.  He was having a very indecisive kind of day.

Thank goodness for OT!

I am lucky that Charlie's OT allows me to bring his brothers along.  They get to try out all the fun toys and therapy tools too.  

Here Charlie is playing in a sensory bin while listening to music therapy and wearing special compression clothing from Spio.  He is in heaven here.  Completely loves it!!

And of course, when you play hard, you crash hard :)

September 10th

Have I told you how much the boys love tractors?  Well it doesn't matter what type of tractor it is....and to them, this is a tractor too...

Tyler was able to borrow our neighbor's riding mower to mow the lawn quickly and to give the boys a ride.  

Who's having more fun here?

September 14th

We spent the majority of another beautiful fall day outside.  We decided to take the boys to Quarry Hill's Fall Festival where they have tons of kid and family activities while enjoying their beautiful park.

But wait!  What's this??!  Yes, we finally have the right combination of car seats to be able to fit all the boys in the car!!

 Quarry Hill is a local park where there is an old Rock Quarry, caves, ponds and tons of walking trails and woods.  They have a nature center where they have lots of small animals (snakes, fish, owls, turtles, etc.) on display with other educational materials for the kids to interact with.  

Here Charlie is being a turtle!

There were lots of activities at the Fall Festival including cookie decorating!

The boys painted plaster foot prints of various animals.  Charlie had an otter foot print, Easton a beaver and Christian a 

Pumpkin decorating was a hit!

Such a fun beautiful day to be outside enjoying nature!

This week will prove to be another busy week for us.  Monday is another busy day with the boys, filled with Early Intervention, shoe shopping, OT, and meeting a new cousin!  The boys will be starting a new daycare in Rochester on Tuesday so wish them luck.  Tuesday Easton also has pre-school screening where he will wow everyone with his smarts and good looks ;)

Thursday Tyler and I start a group at our Church that goes on each week for 2 months.  And although we love our boys dearly, Tyler and I are excited for a weekend to ourselves to reconnect when the boys will be spending the weekend with their Great Auntie Kari!!