To The Fellow Mom at Church

To the fellow mom at church and my good friend who reached out....I THANK YOU. 

You have no idea how much your kind words meant to me that night.  

Here's the story....Last week we were picking up the boys from AWANA at our church.  The boys are usually pretty energized after coming from there and can often be a handful.  As we were walking out of church one of the AWANA instructors in the boys' classroom was also walking out.  Charlie grabbed her hand and held it briefly as we walked.  I had not met this woman yet and did not know her name but knew she was familiar with the boys.  She proceeded to tell me how amazing Easton is and how sweet Christian and Charlie are.  She said she absolutely loves to be with them in class and adores them completely.  With the boys almost darting out into the dark parking lot, I thanked her saying how nice it is to hear that and then proceeded to catch up with the boys to get them in the car.  What that woman didn't know was how much those kind, sincere words meant to me and that they brought me to tears on the way home.  Happy tears.  You see, most of the time when we are out and about with the boys we get a lot of turned heads, stares and especially with Charlie's meltdowns: rude comments.  So you really have no idea how much your kindness meant to me that evening.  To know that my boys are loved by others, even complete strangers, while we are away is heartwarming.  I thank you from the bottom of my heart.  

And if that night couldn't get any better, I got a phone call later that same evening from a good friend of mine who also volunteers in the boys' class at AWANA.  She said she wanted to call as a friend and fellow mom to let me know that the boys did have some trouble in class that night.  She is aware that, unfortunately, there isn't much communication between instructors and parents in the program and she knew likely no one said anything to us as we left with the boys that night.  She informed me that it wasn't anything bad, but that they were a little rambunctious and had a difficult time focusing and following instructions.  My friend knew I'd want to know about this so we could talk to the boys about it before next AWANA.  And to you, dear friend....you know who you are, I also say thank you.  You know what it's like to be in my shoes, in more ways than one, and know that I'd want a head's up if something is happening with the boys.  I'm so incredibly happy to have you in my life, and as my friend and thank you kindly for loving my boys.  

Easton (4), Christian & Charlie (3)

No Judgements Please

You may have noticed that our posts seemed to have dropped of the face of the Earth.  Maybe that comes with the territory of the boys getting older, our family becoming more busy, or maybe not wanting to share everything with everyone?  Maybe it's a mixture of all of that.  One things is for sure though....I think it's time to share a little of what we struggle with on a daily basis.

In our house we struggle with behavioral issues.  Daily.  Several times a day.  Some of you may know a little about this and I know to some of you this might be news.  This has been going on for some time now and we've explored many areas for help.  Our sweet boy Charlie has seen doctors, specialists, physical therapists and most recently has started services with the school district and now looking into services with our local County services.  Through all of this we've had a myriad of responses from others-our family, friends, and even strangers.  We've had people say that it can't be true because they haven't seen it for themselves, that it's a phase and he'll grow out of it, or my favorite- he needs more discipline.  While I know everyone has their thoughts, their opinions, I also know that none of that is helpful to us.

We recently found out that Charlie is diagnosed with Disruptive Behavior Disorder and Childhood Insomnia.  So please know that this is real.  That this might not be a phase that he'll grow out of but instead need to learn how to deal with and cope with what he goes through on a daily basis.  And please know this is not because of parenting styles or lack of discipline.  For whatever reason this is real and it's something I want people to be aware of.  And I can tell you what is helpful to us.

Support and understanding is helpful to us.  Instead of telling us this is just a phase and we'll get through it- try asking how we are doing, how Charlie is doing.  It's not easy for Tyler or I to watch our son do the things he does each day, several times a day during his meltdowns.  It breaks our heart that he is hurtful to himself and has difficulty telling us what he's going through or feeling.  In fact, I think we get burned out easier than most parents because of constantly focusing all our energy on destructive behavior and trying to figure out how to help him.  Don't make us feel like we're doing things wrong with him or more importantly....be kind, don't judge. Offer to help instead of standing back giving us weird looks or getting upset because you don't agree with how we handle certain situations.  Understand that you don't deal with this on a daily basis like we do and because of that you'll never fully understand how we are feeling or how frustrating and draining it can be.  And because of all this please know Tyler and I may need a few extra breaks than the average parent.  Yes, I totally agree that being a parent can be exhausting for anyone.  But throw in a child who has special needs and attention....it's draining- physically, mentally and emotionally.

If you do come to our house please don't ask why it's a mess or why the dishes haven't been done.  Understand that when we do have a moment of peace or that rare moment when all the boys are asleep that we want to just enjoy fun time with them or maybe just sit on the couch and do nothing for a few minutes without intervening in a meltdown. We need to relax too.

Listening can be helpful.  I don't mean listen to a few things we have to say and then throw ideas out on how to fix things- there's a difference between hearing and listening.  I mean truly listening to what we have to say and just being there for us.  Sometimes Tyler and I just need to vent and to get our frustrations off our chest.  And just knowing that our family is going to do things a little differently than your family and being ok with that.


I'm not writing this for people to take pity.  We don't want pity.  I want people to be aware so they know what we are going through and what can be more helpful than a generic passing statement or rude judgements.  Know that Charlie is loved immensely along with his brothers.  I believe God gave us our boys to teach us how to love differently and to see the world differently through someone else's eyes.

Do I Remember?

I know, I know....It's been awhile.  Since before Christmas to be exact.  But life has been happening at our house.  I've had several post ideas come up and then the time to sit down and write them passes.  But last week something came up that I just can't shake and I thought maybe writing about it might help.

Last Thursday Charlie was at Mayo Clinic for an EEG.  Wait...back up the train!  I suppose you need a little back story?  Why on Earth was Charlie having an EEG??  Mid January Charlie started Special Ed Pre-school.  He goes 4 days a week, 2 hours a day (by the way, he absolutely LOVES school).  Since starting school his teachers had been noticing he'd have starring spells every day.  Knowing this could be a sign of Absence Seizures they contacted us and requested we get this checked out.  Charlie's Pediatric Neurologist agreed it would be a good idea to rule out anything serious.  Enter the EEG.

During the EEG the tech performing the procedure was asking a bunch of questions about Charlie's background.  One of the first questions was "was he full term?"  I responded "no, he was a preemie" and maybe should have offered right away at what gestation he was born.  Because next she asked "do you remember how many weeks you were when you delivered?"

Do I remember? Do I remember?!?  And the only thought that was going through my head was "honey, if only you knew what I remember of those days!"  But instead I kindly replied "yes, 27 weeks and 0 days."  Now I know the tech meant no harm, no disrespect.  But her question really resonated with me and along with that came back so many memories, so many emotions flooding back it was overwhelming.  The rest of the day was a tough one battling with these strong emotions that I hadn't dealt with in awhile.

Do I remember the day, a Saturday, when I went in to be checked because something just didn't feel right and then being admitted to hospital bedrest?  Yes.  Do I remember February 15th, 2012 when my sister came to visit me and my contractions started to become regular?  Yes.  Do I remember how scared I was when the doctor said I'd be having these boys within the hour?  For sure.  Do I remember the epidural, the c-section, everything the doctors and nurses were talking about, asking me, Tyler by my side, holding my hand as my steadfast support?  Yes.

Do I remember each boy crying as they were born? Absolutely yes!  Do I remember not being able to see them (except by camera) until hours after birth and then not holding them until days after birth? You bet.  Do I remember the doctors asking if I'd be willing to be transferred to St. Mary's for recovery since  Methodist was so crazy busy that night? Yes.  Do I remember the painful ambulance ride down the road to St. Mary's? Yep.  And do I remember being able to go straight to the NICU so I could see the boys settled in-even after all of that and at 2am? Certainly.  And I remember the next 87 days in the NICU and the emotional roller coaster I was on the entire time.  I remember.

The boys just celebrated their 3rd birthday.  3!  You would think that after 3 years things would be fine.  Better.  And they are. They're great actually!  But I guess I need to remind myself that these emotions can creep up at any time.  No matter how long it's been.

They're truly beautiful aren't they?!